Narcissists and their Flying Monkeys

Understanding the role of sycophants and conspirators in narcissistic dynamics—and how their compliance harms the target.

Narcissists rarely operate alone. While they may appear powerful and commanding, their influence often depends on an entourage of enablers known as flying monkeys. These individuals act as extensions of the narcissist—fawning over them, echoing their narrative, and sometimes even conspiring in the abuse. To understand the impact of narcissistic abuse fully, we must explore not only the narcissist but also the network of supporters that help maintain their control.

Why Narcissists Recruit Flying Monkeys

Narcissists thrive on power, control, and admiration. Recruiting flying monkeys serves multiple purposes:

• Validation: Flying monkeys reinforce the narcissist’s superiority, boosting their ego.

• Deflection of Responsibility: They shield the narcissist from accountability by blaming the target.

• Amplification of Manipulation: They spread rumors, carry messages, and pressure the target to comply.

• Isolation of the Target: By surrounding themselves with allies, narcissists make their victim seem outnumbered and unsupported.

Example: A narcissistic boss criticizes an employee privately, then gossips about them to coworkers. Soon, the coworkers begin giving the target the cold shoulder, convinced they are “difficult.” The narcissist avoids blame while the target becomes isolated.

Types of Flying Monkeys

Not all flying monkeys play the same role. Some are naïve; others are deliberate accomplices.

1. The Naïve Supporters

   • They believe the narcissist’s sob story without questioning it.

   • Often manipulated through guilt or loyalty.

   • Example: A family member consoles the narcissist during a smear campaign, saying, “I can’t believe how badly you’ve been treated,” without checking the facts.

2. The Fearful Enablers

   • They go along with the narcissist to avoid becoming the next target.

   • Example: A coworker laughs at the narcissist’s cruel jokes, afraid that speaking up will make them the subject of ridicule.

3. The Malicious Conspirators

   • They knowingly join in the abuse because they enjoy the drama, control, or perceived power.

   • Example: A “best friend” of the narcissist actively spreads lies to ruin the target’s reputation.

The Fawning Dynamic

Flying monkeys often fawn—a trauma response where individuals appease someone to avoid conflict. In the narcissistic orbit, this looks like:

• Excessive praise (“You’re always right, you’re so amazing”).

• Defending the narcissist against criticism.

• Downplaying or excusing abusive behavior.

The fawning dynamic creates a feedback loop: the narcissist feels validated, and the flying monkey feels temporarily safe or special.

Triangulation: Flying Monkeys as Tools

Triangulation is one of the narcissist’s most destructive tactics. It involves bringing a third party into a relationship conflict to control perception and maintain dominance.

Flying monkeys are the perfect accomplices for triangulation.

• Classic Triangulation Example: The narcissist tells their partner, “Even my friends agree you’re too sensitive.” The friends (flying monkeys) have been primed with selective stories that paint the target as unstable.

• Workplace Triangulation Example: A narcissistic manager says to one employee, “The team thinks you’re not pulling your weight.” The “team” may never have said this, but the flying monkeys go along with the narrative.

This tactic confuses the target, making them question their reality while reinforcing the narcissist’s authority.

The Impact on the Target

The presence of flying monkeys intensifies the abuse. Instead of facing one manipulator, the target feels surrounded by them.

• Isolation: Friends and family withdraw after hearing the narcissist’s distorted version of events.

• Betrayal: People the target trusted may now be aligned with the narcissist.

• Confusion: Conflicting messages erode self-confidence.

• Double Abuse: The target not only suffers from the narcissist but also from the flying monkeys who enable them.

Example: In divorce cases involving a narcissist, flying monkeys may testify against the other spouse, repeating lies they were fed. This legal triangulation devastates the target emotionally and can even impact custody outcomes.

Recognizing and Dealing with Flying Monkeys

Awareness is the first step in protecting yourself.

Signs someone is acting as a flying monkey:

• They constantly defend the narcissist.

• They relay the narcissist’s messages to you.

• They dismiss your side of the story without listening.

Strategies to Protect Yourself:

• Limit Engagement: Reduce or eliminate contact with people who act as messengers for the narcissist.

• Set Boundaries: Make it clear you won’t discuss the narcissist with them.

• Find Safe Support: Seek out individuals who understand narcissistic dynamics and validate your experiences.

• Stay Grounded in Reality: Document events, trust your instincts, and resist being swayed by manipulated narratives.

Flying monkeys are not innocent bystanders. Whether naïve, fearful, or malicious, they enable narcissists by fawning, gossiping, and participating in triangulation. Their presence compounds the harm to the target—isolating them, betraying their trust, and amplifying abuse. Recognizing the role of flying monkeys allows you to step back, set firm boundaries, and protect your well-being. Remember: their behavior reflects the narcissist’s manipulation, not your worth.

The information provided in this article is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice. We are not licensed clinicians, mental health professionals, lawyers, or legal advisors. For any concerns regarding mental health or personal situations, please seek advice from a qualified professional. For more details, please read our full disclaimer.