How Narcissists Use Ad Hominem Attacks to Manipulate and Control

Understanding the psychological tactics narcissists use to undermine and control their victims—and how to protect yourself.

Logical reasoning and facts should be the foundation of any debate or disagreement. However, narcissists rarely play fair. Instead of addressing an argument with logic, they often resort to ad hominem attacks—a tactic where they attack the person instead of the argument itself. This allows them to deflect responsibility, manipulate perceptions, and maintain control.

What Is an Ad Hominem Attack?

The Latin term "ad hominem" means "to the person." In an argument, an ad hominem attack occurs when someone dismisses another’s point by attacking their character, credibility, or personal traits rather than engaging with the actual issue at hand. For example:

• "You’re just saying that because you’re bitter and jealous."

• "No one takes you seriously because you’re too emotional."

• "You have no idea what you’re talking about. You’re not even successful."

  
  

Instead of addressing the issue, the person making the attack shifts the focus onto the other, undermining their confidence and credibility. Narcissists are exceptionally skilled at this tactic.

How Narcissists Use Ad Hominem Attacks

Narcissists rely on ad hominem attacks as a weapon to avoid accountability, control conversations, and keep their victims on the defensive. Here’s how they use these tactics:

1. Character Assassination

If a narcissist feels criticized or exposed, they will attack the character of the person confronting them rather than addressing the concern.

• "You always play the victim. Maybe that’s why no one believes you."

2. Shaming and Humiliation

They use insults and put-downs to make the other person feel inferior, discouraging them from continuing the conversation.

• "You’re being ridiculous. No one else would react this way."

3. Blame-Shifting

Rather than owning their mistakes, narcissists redirect the blame onto their victims.

• "Oh, so I’m the problem? What about all the things YOU’VE done?"

4. Smear Campaigns

Narcissists spread lies or exaggerated stories about someone to discredit them.

• "She makes up drama just to get attention. You can’t trust anything she says."

5. Gaslighting Through Personal Attacks

They make the victim question their reality by attacking their mental state or emotional stability.

• "You’re crazy. No one else sees things the way you do."

6. Deflection and Avoidance

They dodge the issue with personal attacks when caught in a lie or contradiction.

• "Wow, now you’re suddenly an expert? Give me a break."

Why Narcissists Use Ad Hominem Attacks

Narcissists cannot handle criticism or accountability, so they use ad hominem attacks to:

• Avoid taking responsibility – They shift attention away from their actions.

• Maintain control – They make their victim feel weak, confused, or unworthy of challenging them.

• Manipulate others’ perceptions – They discredit their victim so others won’t believe them.

• Protect their fragile ego – They fear exposure and attack before being confronted.

How to Counter Narcissistic Ad Hominem Attacks

Recognizing this tactic is the first step in neutralizing its effects. Here’s how to respond:

1. Stay Focused on the Issue – When they attack your character, redirect to the original discussion.

   • "That’s a personal attack. Let’s stay on topic."

2. Call Out the Tactic – Acknowledge their attempt to avoid the issue.

   • "Attacking me doesn’t change the facts. Let’s deal with the real problem."

3. Remain Calm and Detached – Narcissists want an emotional reaction. Don’t give them one.

   • "I’m not engaging in personal attacks. If you want to discuss the issue, I’m here."

4. Set Boundaries – If they refuse to engage respectfully, disengage.

   • "I won’t continue this conversation if you keep attacking me personally."

5. Document the Attacks – If you’re dealing with a narcissist in a professional or legal setting, keep records of their manipulative behavior for future reference.

Final Thoughts

Ad hominem attacks are a classic narcissistic tactic designed to deflect, manipulate, and control. You can protect yourself from their toxicity by recognizing these attacks for what they are and refusing to engage on their terms. Stick to the facts, maintain your composure, and set firm boundaries. Remember: their attacks reflect their insecurities, not your worth.

The information provided in this article is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice. We are not licensed clinicians, mental health professionals, lawyers, or legal advisors. For any concerns regarding mental health or personal situations, please seek advice from a qualified professional. For more details, please read our full disclaimer.