Understand a Narcissist From an Object Relations Perspective

Erin Leonard, Ph.D., explores how narcissists manipulate and control their relationships through objectification, often using Melanie Klein’s object relations theory as a lens. Narcissists tend to view people close to them as either "good" or "bad" objects, determined by whether the person gratifies their ego. This binary perception leads to manipulative behaviors like triangulation, where a narcissist aligns one person against another to maintain control. By dehumanizing loved ones and negating their emotions, narcissists create a power dynamic where the "idealized" individual strives to remain in favor while the "devalued" individual works to regain acceptance. This dynamic fosters emotional dependency and keeps both parties under the narcissist's control.

Idealization and devaluation are unconscious defense mechanisms narcissists use to interchange the roles of "good" and "bad" objects as needed to preserve power. For example, someone may transition from cherished to scapegoated instantly if they no longer gratify the narcissist. This pattern creates confusion and emotional instability for those involved, who may feel compelled to prove their loyalty or worth. Leonard emphasizes that gaining distance from a narcissist can help break free from their manipulation, providing clarity and strength to address these harmful dynamics.